


Well-Matched

by Brightbear



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:04:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brightbear/pseuds/Brightbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If she looked anyone in the eye, then she’d collapse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well-Matched

Zoe leaned against the railing as her bus rounded the corner. One of the passengers near her stunk of pot and it was making her head spin. That was okay because it was a welcome distraction from the fact that she could barely breathe. It wasn’t a reaction to the smell - just that her entire throat seemed to have clamped shut while despair and fury battled it out to be the dominant emotion.

She tightened her white-knuckled grip on the railing and stared desperately out the window. She couldn’t blink or look around and she certainly couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. If she looked anyone in the eye, then she’d collapse. She’d be so desperate to forget and to be forgiven that she’d throw herself at that person and warp her arms around them. She’d never let go.

The bus reached her stop and she pushed against the other passengers. There was a hysterical voice in her head that was screaming at her to get out. Get out into the open. Get away from these people. It was her own internal monologue but the voice sounded like someone who was dead and shouldn’t be. He was dead and it was her fault and her anger was stronger than her grief.

She was angry at Tom too, for being the one to berate her angrily for her lapse in judgment. He blamed her loudly and angrily, behind closed doors, while his eyes said that he was grieving too. His eyes said he felt sorry for her even as he condemned her actions out loud. Still, Tom would protect her as he always did. In some ways Tom was predictable and she hated him for it. She might not hate him tomorrow but tomorrow seemed like so far away at the moment.

Zoe was so busy hating him that she was already on the steps leading up to her apartment when she realised there was someone waiting at the top. It was Ellie Simm, her hair a mess and tears running down her face. She was hugging herself, her fingers bunching up the material of her cotton sweater. Her knees were pulled up tightly to her chest as if she couldn’t uncurl anymore.

Zoe knew without asking that it was about Tom. Ellie and Tom had been to her apartment a few times, with Tom happy to encourage a friendship between them. In practice, Ellie only asked Zoe out for a coffee (or something stronger) when she wanted to talk about Tom. Zoe knew she should ask but she could guess. Tom had been angry when he left work, grieving, and in a world of lies and rules so deep that he’d never know how to share it. The martyred part of him might even be trying to protect her by keeping her out of his world.

Zoe didn’t look Ellie in the eyes. Instead she unlocked her door and stared at the fire hydrant across the hall.  
“Want to come in?” asked Zoe.  
Her voice sounded flat but pretty damn close to normal. Tom would be proud.

Ellie was staring at the ground, her face twisted and clenched with tears she wouldn’t let fall. She raised her head when Zoe opened her door. Zoe went into her apartment and Ellie followed, looking dishevelled and miserable, her arms outstretched because her tears were blurring her vision.

Zoe shut the door and turned around. Ellie stood in the middle of Zoe’s living room and hugged herself again.  
“Tom...” said Ellie, forcing herself to speak.  
Zoe was across the room in two strides. She had Ellie’s shirt in her fists.  
“Fuck Tom,” said Zoe, her voice low and as deadly as she was trained to be.  
Startled, a wide-eyed Ellie looked Zoe in the eye. Ellie seemed surprised as if she couldn’t imagine that well-mannered and well-presented professionals like Zoe could swear.

That’s how Ellie thought of her – as some kind of office-worker. It’s how Ellie thought of Tom and Tom had done nothing to dissuade her.  
“Fuck Tom,” said Zoe again, feeling powerful and angry.  
Ellie nodded, looking so very tired and drained that she was giving in. Zoe wondered what she was giving in to.  
“Fuck Tom,” said Ellie quietly.

Ellie closed her eyes and rocked on her heels, Zoe’s fingers still clenched in the other woman’s shirt. Zoe thought Ellie was falling and she tried to step backwards out of the way but then there were lips against hers. Ellie was insistent, fingers in Zoe’s short hair and a hot mouth pressing against hers.

Tears were slipping down Zoe’s cheeks as she was crushed against another woman’s breasts. Ellie and Tom were so serious they were practically married but here Ellie was, kissing Zoe. Zoe was angry so she kissed back and reached for the hem of Ellie’s sweater. Ellie reached for Zoe’s trousers and pushed her back onto the couch.

Ellie’s hand was inside Zoe’s trousers and she twisted Zoe’s pants aside so that she could push her fingers into Zoe’s cunt. There was no warning. Suddenly, Zoe was being fucked by Tom’s girlfriend. It was happening and it felt good. It felt like something other than anger.  
“Fuck Tom,” said Zoe encouragingly, fumbling for Ellie’s trousers.

Ellie closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Zoe’s. She thrust hard with her fingers, leaving Zoe torn between the urge to pull away or press down harder. Ellie made the choice for her, wrapping an arm around Zoe’s shoulders and forcing her down onto the fingers.

Zoe cried out, her hands flailing aimlessly. Ellie seized a hand that was trying to grab fistfuls of the couch rug. She uncurled Zoe’s fist and pulled the hand to her open trousers.  
“Fuck Tom,” whispered Ellie, sad and lost.  
Zoe got her hands to obey her as Ellie continued to finger-fuck her. Zoe felt Ellie’s pants, scratchy where the pubic hair lay beneath, sticky and wet in the middle. Zoe slid her hand into the top of the pants, running her hand through the coarse hair until she found the dampness she was looking for.

She extended a single finger into Ellie’s cunt, straightening it and feeling the unfamiliar flesh surrounding it. Zoe doubted she was very good but just the attempt was enough to make Ellie slump against her.

Ellie was shaking and turned her head away. Now Zoe and Ellie were fucking each other, Ellie pushing Zoe into the couch. As Zoe came, arching her back off the couch, she realised that Ellie was sobbing Tom’s name.

Zoe kept her finger moving for a while but Ellie didn’t come. Ellie held Zoe’s wrist to stop it moving and pulled it out. Ellie was looking at her sadly but calmly.  
“Tom will be wondering,” said Ellie, and it was closer to a whole sentence than she’d gotten all night.  
“Will he?” asked Zoe, not sure why she wanted to know.  
“He will,” said Ellie, quiet and sure. “He’s good like that.”  
“Oh,” said Zoe, and wanted badly to ask Ellie to get off but didn’t know how to ask.  
“Can I shower?” asked Ellie.  
“Sure, go ahead,” said Zoe.

Ellie got up and walked away into the bathroom. Zoe sat up uncomfortably, feeling sticky and sweaty. She wandered into her room and pulled on her pyjamas, the material rough against her skin. She was making tea when Ellie came out again, fully dressed.  
“Tea?” asked Zoe, holding out the mug hopefully.  
Ellie looked at the mug and then at Zoe.  
“No, thank you,” said Ellie.  
Ellie turned away and found her sweater. Zoe followed her to the door.  
“Listen...,” started Zoe.  
“Tom,” said Ellie. “Tom.”

Zoe just nodded, her eyes burning with exhaustion. She watched Ellie give a small smile and walk out the door. Zoe sat back on her couch and watched her tea get cold. Ellie and Tom were better matched than she’d thought – both amiable and generous with a selfish streak that would keep them alive and sane.

Zoe wished there was someone to love her like that. Then she remembered that Danny had died today and this time there was no anger to protect her. So, she cried.

The End  


* * *

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> The character death is AU and it is set in the first season, after Ellie finds out what Tom does for a living but before the events of the season finale.


End file.
